As I talk or chat or IM some of my female friends lately, it seems that there are more ladies than I would think who are still searching for love. I guess you would call them “late bloomers”–or maybe, future “rebloomers”. And sometimes these female friends become disheartened at the prospect of ever finding that one guy who:
1) makes her feel beautiful–because we are all beautiful in our own ways; beauty is in your beloved’s eyes that tenderly say “I love you” across a crowded room; beauty is in your beloved’s smile that shines because you gaze upon her with your love; beauty is in your beloved’s voice and words, sharing confidences, soothing worries, encouraging you to continue, supporting you even in “failure”; and beauty is in your beloved truly listening to your hopes and dreams and wanting you to achieve them, as much or as more than they want to achieve their own hopes and dreams;
2) makes her laugh joyously–because life should be fun;
3) makes sure they push in her chair for her in a restaurant, hold the door for her, and put the seat back down in the bathroom; and about the door bit, I’m as much an equity feminist as the next person, but automatically closing exterior doors are darn heavy and hard to move these days, ha!;
4) makes her take the first or last of any item–food in the fridge or restaurant, cool free stuff, parking spots, etc.–for herself, even though he really wanted it for himself; and no passive-aggressive pouting about that guys; as the bible says, be a “cheerful” giver;
5) makes a point of spending more time with her than with his buddies–because, his buddies don’t keep him warm at night and he knows that she smells better than they do, ha!;
6) makes an effort not to use vulgar language around her–and clean up his act, in general–because as my late father often said when he saw others speak or behave rudely in public, “use of profanity or vulgarity indicates a paucity of language”; I would tell you to look “paucity” up in the dictionary, but in the interest of time, I’ll share that it means the person has a “small” vocabulary if they can’t be more creative than to swear or be vulgar;
7) behaves honorably, decently, and courteously toward others–especially with her; not to put too fine a point on it for you guys, women like to be treated like ladies and we like our men to behave like gentleman; being sincerely caring and considerate are your “gateway” to a deeper more fulfilling relationship with your lady friend;
8) makes her heart go “pitter pat” with his loving tenderness toward her–this primarily involves the men waiting for more intimacy until the ladies are ready for it, by delighting in the small but precious acts of gently holding hands in public (lightly tickling our palms is a favorite of ours), kissing sweetly on the cheek and lips, and embracing each other softly;
9) but when intimacy does finally occur, cherish it, nurture it, and protect it (keeping the nature of your intimate moments private between the two of you); no one needs “comparison statistics” and you are not keeping score; if your buddies want details, simply smile knowingly at your blessings with your beloved; that will just “kill” your buddies to no end, thereby scoring you even more points in their eyes because your buddies’ own imagination will fill in the blanks; and your discretion will melt your beloved’s heart to know that you treasure your relationship with her above all else;
10) wants to make the most loving gift of committing to spend the rest of his life with her as his beloved wife, best friend, life partner, and lover;
Guys–by which I mean still single, or single again, males in their late thirties and forties, or even their fifties–if you don’t want to be alone and lonely the rest of your life either, then you need to take a few “lessons” from the above list. Or if there are ladies reading this post, you might print it out and tape it to your guy’s refrigerator where he’ll be sure to see it. Ha!
Everyone needs a little help now and then in charting our love relationships. The banalities of everyday life–household chores, finances, etc.–will kill a love relationship stone dead if you let them, so don’t let them. And first and foremost, mutual give and take are at the “heart” of love relationships. Both guys and gals sometimes need to learn to give more than they take–but don’t keep a score card. Love isn’t about who gave what to whom, or how expensive it was. Love is about giving the precious gift of your time to the other person–and as I told someone recently, “wishing them every happiness that they wish for themselves”. Deep and abiding love relationships are built upon respect, friendship, caring, consideration, understanding, forgiveness (lots of it), having some mutual interests and friends in common, having some separate interests and friends not in common (too much togetherness can be smothering), deeply felt love, and yes, sensual lovemaking.
Though this blog is not about the “techniques” of lovemaking–go to Cosmopolitan and other magazines or books for that, but take what those articles say with a grain of salt, ha!–I will share that loving each other completely definitely has an important sensually pleasurable aspect to it. As I told another female friend last night, there is nothing “pervy” about sensually loving your beloved heart and mind and body and soul. Embrace those wonderful endorphins! And keep “practicing” until you get it right. Ha! And lovemaking with your beloved begins hours, even days before you become swept away in each other’s loving arms. There is no greater aphrodisiac than being loving and considerate of your love partner’s desires, needs, wishes, hopes, and dreams.
And finally, I will admit that I was also a late bloomer for love. Though I had a two date boyfriend and then a first love crush on my gay male best friend in college–both instances with some lovely kissing, but not more by my “good girl” choice–I was adrift without love until my late twenties when I met my future husband. Since then my life has been more beautiful because of my husband and our loving relationship. He is my only love and my only lover. I may tell you our love story in more detail sometime. But for now, I will leave it at that–as a teaser. Because, a good rule of thumb in loving and in writing is “always leave them wanting a little more”. Ha!
So, take it from someone who has mostly succeeded in love and marriage–and we work on our love and marriage every day–look around and open your eyes, your love of a lifetime might be standing right next to you. And, you don’t need to rush into being a sensually romantic couple. Relationships take time to grow and develop–at least the good ones do. Become friends first. And do make each other a priority in your lives–above work, above family, above other friends, but never above yourself. Because in giving yourself in love to another, you do not have to lose yourself. Rather, my love with my husband helped me find myself.
So, I hope that you will find yourselves in a loving relationship in the future and please feel free to share your thoughts about your journey to finding love. Or if you are already blessed to have a loving relationship, please share your insights about love and relationships with us.
Cheers! GratianaDS90 ;->
8/27/11 post #2