Whimsical Wednesday Musings on Love, Sex, and Writing About It, 6/20/12 Gratiana Lovelace (Post #212)

Wednesdays are such middle of the week days that sometimes they might pass unnoticed.  But for me, they are the bridge between two love story post days–on Mondays and Fridays.    So in the intervening time when I’m not prepping a post for publishing here, I’m writing my love stories, chatting with my gal pals online, tending to my hubby, etc.

Of course, with Richard Armitage as my storytelling muse, I can’t go wrong [(1) below]:

However, it randomly occurred to me that there are better times for me to write my love stories than others.  And it doesn’t simply have to do with having uninterrupted time for focusing on my writing–there is no such thing and uninterrupted time. Ha!  Then the question begs, is writing about love story and lovemaking scene writing timing akin to grocery/market/food shopping?   The admonition is, don’t go shopping hungry because you will buy more food than you need.   So, is the corollary to writing about love and lovemaking scene writing that one should be hungry or not?  I have written my love scenes–or love poems for that matter–both ways.  That is, by my either feeling desirous or by my feeling inspired.  *I smile bashfully.*

So let’s unpack that dichotomy, shall we?  Desire vs Inspiration.  Wikipedia (love it!) gives readers a variety of options for defining Desire [(2)]:

So when I am desirous when I write my love stories and their love scenes, I might be in what I will term a kind of anticipatory state–as some of the definitions above allude to.  In what I will refer to as a psyche-social-emotional category–mostly because psycho sounds positively off putting–grouping of some of the definitions above, we see desire defined as something representing our wishes and needs–be they self focused or hoping for mutually exchanged benefits.  Personally, I vote for the mutual benefits.   Then we have several definitions which pertain to the reason behind the desire–what we might label the impetus or catalyst category.  We might ask, is the attraction visceral, in terms of our five senses–sight, sound, scent, touch, and taste?  Oh yeah!  But the reason for desire can also be emotional and psychological–in terms of our beloved being more attractive to us because w love them and because of the shared times that we spend together, both in and out of bed.

But desire also leads me to examine the other love story and love scene writing state that I might be in–inspiration.  Though many things in life are a journey, it is very nice to reach a destination, too.  In other words, if one is blissful, can you write love scenes more vividly?  Perhaps.  Although if you try to put pen to paper while still in a state of bliss, I daresay that all you might get would be a stream of consciousness equivalent of “yes, yes, yes”! (NSFW)   [(3)]   Ha!  But I will concede, that you can read all you like about an activity–such as sailing, for example–but no amount of prior book knowledge truly prepares you for the rush of the wind kissing your face, as you see the sails billow outward, while you are propelled along in the water, with the waves rocking your boat softly and gently and then powerfully and forcefully, until you reach your destination. … And then? … You glide serenely into shore.   Some experiences have to be felt and enjoyed before you can write about them.  And yes, sailing [(4) right] was a metaphor.  *wink*

So I would have to say that my love story and love scene writing are both informed by my own desires, as well as, my own experiences as inspiration–coupled with a very healthy imagination.  But where my own education on love and lovemaking knowledge might be limited, my trusty gal pals (or my hubby) always come to the rescue for me (pun not intended).  Such as my descriptions of condom varieties as a humorous element in my one act stage play “Handsome” [(5)]–with my needing technical verification.  Well, I am a married woman of 22.5 years.  What do I need to know about condoms for everyday life?   They are clearly de trop for our lovemaking.  Ha!

Maybe, the desire and inspiration dichotomy are merely two ends of a continuum. And whether I am empty vs full, hungry vs sated when I write love stories and love scenes, the end is the same.  I prefer writing love scenes that focus on the love–the feelings of joy and rapture that are derived from becoming one with your heart’s true love and soul mate; and,  in giving and sharing mutual bliss with each other that go beyond the physical to the emotional and the psychological heart of your relationship.  At least, that is my writing goal–to focus on love.

So for my edification as a writer of love stories, I have two questions for you:

1)        Whom do you desire and why?  Your hubby/lover/partner?  And/or a dream of love with someone you have yet to meet–or someone you might never meet, but still you love them?  etc.

2)       And what gives you inspiration?    Love notes?  Candles?  Roses?  Daily kindness and consideration from and to your lover?  Him loading the dishwasher without having to be asked? etc.


(1)     A new Richard Armitage multi-character wallpaper that I created for this essay, 6/20/12 Gratiana Lovelace.

(2)     Some definitions of “desire” were found at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desire

(3)     “When Harry Met Sally – Restaurant Orgasm Scene” (NSFW–not suitable for work, but really funny)  by ChaZaclsa was found at  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZluzt3H6tk

(4) The sailboat is an MS Office Clip Art image that was found at http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/images/results.aspx?qu=sail+boat&ex=1&ctt=1#ai:MP900399727%7Cmt:2%7C

(5)     “Handsome” by Gratiana Lovelace, the first of two installments of this one act stage play, was found at https://gratianads90.wordpress.com/2012/01/10/handsome-a-one-act-stage-play-scenes-0-3-11012-gratiana-lovelace-post-101a/;  the second installment is found at https://gratianads90.wordpress.com/2012/01/11/handsome-a-one-act-stage-play-scenes-4-7-end-r-rating-11112-gratiana-lovelace-post-101b/

About Gratiana Lovelace

Gratiana Lovelace is my nom de plume for my creative writing and blogging. I write romantic stories in different sub genres. The stories just tumble out of me. My resurgence in creative writing occurred when I viewed the BBC miniseries of Elizabeth Gaskell's novel North & South in February 2010. The exquisitely talented British actor portraying the male lead John Thornton in North & South--Richard Crispin Armitage--became my unofficial muse. I have written over 50 script stories about love--some are fan fiction, but most are original stories--that I am just beginning to share with others on private writer sites, and here on my blog. And as you know, my blog here is also relatively new--since August 2011. But, I'm having fun and I hope you enjoy reading my blog essays and my stories. Cheers! Grati ;-> upd 12/18/11
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4 Responses to Whimsical Wednesday Musings on Love, Sex, and Writing About It, 6/20/12 Gratiana Lovelace (Post #212)

  1. servetus says:

    Wow, this is one of the most interesting things you’ve written. I love the grocery store analogy (although I find increasingly, as I get older, if I go into a grocery store when I’m incredibly hungry, I become nauseated — I have had the experience you’re recounting). I also love the question about where we get the knowledge that underlies romance or erotic writing because I think the question of where the conventions in this writing come from is really interesting. Very little erotic writing I’ve read corresponds much to sex as I’ve actually had it — by which I mean to say that I tend to think about sex and writing about sex as two only tangentially related things.

    As far as inspiration — I almost always write when I’m burning to say something, or from a place of relatively negative emotion. I very rarely write truly euphoric things because on the rare occasions when I feel that way I usually don’t feel like writing.

    And in terms of what’s hot in a real man (as opposed to a crush): reliability / integrity, kindness, and that he really understands me.


    • Gosh Servetus,
      I’m so honored by your very kind comments! I’m glad that you connected with my essay. It was one of my more “daring” essays in my conservative mind. Ha! But I like to get out of my own comfort zone now and again to keep the juices flowing. Giggles!

      And thanks so much for sharing your writing process. I’m always interested to hear how other people “do” writing, in case I can learn something from them–which I always do. It’s the “life long learner” part of me from being in university environment.

      And I can totally relate to your qualities for the ideal “hot” man. My hubby is my “ideal” man. Sighhhh!

      I always say to my gal pals that we should set our standards high and the right men will meet them. The rest of the cretins who only want to be LCD’s–lowest common denominator types–can circle the drain and be flushed out with the slurry. Ha!

      Cheers! Grati ;->


  2. For completeness’ sake, The Hobbit logo in that graphic was courtesy of the TORN website at http://www.theonering.net


  3. Pingback: Brown-haired boy-next-door Armitage « Me + Richard Armitage

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