I wake up in the middle of the night, feeling the empty space next to me. My breasts bereft of their place cuddled up to my lover’s chest. It is the third night that I wake up and find my bed empty–Lucas having removed himself to the floor again.
Ana: Peering over the side of the bed, holding the sheet to cover my breasts, I beckon to him. “Come to bed, Lucas.”
Lucas: “I’m sorry.” He says, picking himself off the floor and returning to bed with me.
Ana: “What have you got to be sorry about? Our firmer mattress arrives tomorrow, well, I guess, today. Then your back should feel better.” He slides into bed with me and I snuggle up to him.
Lucas: “It’s not that.” I look away from her. She is so trusting and sweet. How can I tell her what I’m feeling?
Ana: Caressing his face and guiding it to look back at me, I softly kiss his lips. “Then what is it?”
Lucas: “It’s just … Hhhhh!” She raises her eyebrow and smiles at me lovingly–and oh so patiently. “When I was … in prison, I couldn’t really sleep, I had to be vigilant. … One or two times a month I had to fend off other prisoners, or even guards from attacking me, violating me. I pummeled them so hard that they didn’t bother me again–until someone new tried to.” I raise my balled fists as if to fight someone now–but it is only my demons that I have to fight. “But I always worried.” It is a memory I wish I could forget and I close my eyes to keep my tears from falling. “I was so alone then.”
Ana: He feels such pain, yet he never wants to show it. I let my own tears fall, because Lucas won’t let himself cry. I gently kiss and caress his face, trying to soothe him as I whisper. “Sshhhh. Shhhh. You’re safe now. Nothing will harm you. I won’t let them harm you ever again. You are not alone. I will always be with you.”
Lucas: I lean up on one elbow and look down at Ana as I rest my other arm at her shoulder–wanting to gather her into my loving embrace once more this night. Her face is full of so much love for me that I can almost believe what she says. “But, the bad memories never leave me.” I shake my head and look away from her.
Ana: Holding his face in my hands, to turn him to face me, we gaze at each other tenderly. “Then we will make new memories to banish the old ones. I love you, Lucas.” I gently pull him to me for a kiss.
Lucas: “And I love you, Ana.” We kiss as we begin our lovers’ dance–sensual, loving, and healing. I am lost within her loving arms and I find a measure of peace with our love and our lovemaking. As we both cry out our joy, I finally let my tears fall as I sob into her neck–not in fear of my past, but in hope for our future. And Ana gently strokes my back and kisses my cheek until I fall asleep again, safe within her loving arms.
References and Notes
Here is the RANet image (I brightened and sharpened it.) link http://www.richardarmitagenet.com/images/gallery/Spooks/album/ep2/slides/cap027.html
NB: This excerpt is part of a short story fan fiction that I have begun which explores the identity of Lucas North post Spooks Season 9. I hope to serialize the full fan fiction story here on my blog in the Fall.