It was inevitable. I knew it was coming eventually. After a three month ecstatic high–preceded by more than two years of anticipatory waiting– “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey”(THAUJ) (with Martin Freeman portraying Bilbo, left) film euphoria is gradually tapering off. At least the euphoria seems to be decreasing in terms of Hobbit interest traffic on blogs not solely or mostly devoted to all things Tolkien or Hobbit–like The One Ring Net (TORN), Heirs of Durin (at Thorin Oakenshield Net), Middle Earth News, An RA Viewer’s Perspective, etc–as well as sites on Facebook, Twitter, and elsewhere–just my anecdotal observations. But I don’t want the euphoria to fade.
So let’s examine the root of my lustful misery–two years of teasing foreplay before THAUJ premiered November 28, 2012. Granted, my being a virgin meant that my husband didn’t bed me right away (before we were married)–nor even within the same season that we met. I was brought up to be a good girl. But two years of expectant waiting we did not have to endure. Though Sir Peter Jackson’s Hobbit Production Videos did entice and keep fans interested during filming, it was like slow Tantric sex that I have heard others talk about. I’m sorry, but I don’t get the point about not completing yourself via the Tantric sex method. Spiritual bliss is fine, but give me an orgasm any day–every day. Snap! So, Sir Peter Jackson, Richard Armitage portraying Thorin Oakenshield (right) , and company, you have given us the first part of the trilogy–THAUJ–and you have your marching orders. Please complete us by giving us more Hobbit films soon.
And, I feel like a virgin bride no more–who doesn’t want her wonderfully loving honeymoon with Thorin Oakenshield and Company to end. No, I’m not a Dwarfamist nor an adultermancer–Thorin by himself (with me) will do quite nicely, I’m sure. We have all seen the man’s–Dwarf King Thorin’s–boots. Enough said. Sighhhh! Virgin brides who discover that they enjoy making love with their attentive and loving husbands want it all the time, every day–another anecdotal observation after 23 years of wedded bliss. And with “The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug” as film 2 not being released until December 2013? I say, bring on the dragon–now please, before Autumn! But I know that release dates won’t change as we all cool our heels and our ardor. Well as with making love, it doesn’t hurt to ask for what you want. Men/filmmakers sometimes need guidance as well as encouragement. Ha! Or, might we at least have the THAUJ dvd released soon!?! UPDATE: Since I wrote this post last weekend, www.RichardArmitageNet.com shared on their January 29th RANet news that The Hobbit dvd will be released on March 19th and provided the Amazon links for it. Thanks! I have pre-ordered my THAUJ dvd. Have you? THAUJ is also available in Blu-ray.
And though a virgin doesn’t have comparison statistics for her man’s performance, she will soon find out that size matters–along with attentiveness and reciprocity. Sir Peter Jackson and co-producers have their nearly $1 Billion earned to date by THAUJ world wide. Whereas I have paid out about $300 for movie tickets, THAUJ memorabilia (annual, 3D playing cards, calendar, music soundtrack cd, Thorin’s Key pen and bookmark, mugs, The Hobbit book movie tie in version, Dwarf size Thorin cardboard cutout, magazines featuring THAUJ, etc.) and a trip to the big city to see the film for a third time in 3D HFR (fabulous! worth every penny!) with an RA fan friend. Let’s face it, the Twi-Teens presumably targeted with the PG-13 rating don’t have the big bucks to shell out for all things Hobbit films like we women do. Women like fantasy–how novel. Ha! And I knew that the THAUJ film would be amazing for two reasons:
1) Sir Peter Jackson is a magical storyteller with an amazing creative team; and,
2) Sir Peter chose wisely in awarding the mantle of Thorin Oakenshield to the exquisitely talented British actor and storyteller Richard Armitage (right) –whom I admire greatly, if you couldn’t tell.
So, you have a satisfied theatrical consumer in me–and hundreds of millions of others.
In the end, I still hold out hope that Sir Peter might see further opportunity for cashing in on franchise dollars in the making more Hobbit movies as suggested by Saturday Night Live and maybe also give Thorin and his Durin kin a last minute reprieve in the third Hobbit film, “The Hobbit: There and Back Again”. However poignantly Richard Armitage dies on screen time and time again–I cry every time–I want more of his character portrayals to live, to get the nice girl, to make babies, and to live happily ever after. Finally, I am sorry that Thorin lost his iconic touchstone oakenshield toward the end of film 1 (THAUJ), but I am sure that he has other prophylactics (injury preventers) to choose from. They could make him a new shield and rename it–Durinshield has a nice ring to it.
And as for touchstones, Thorin always has Balin (left) portrayed by Ken Stott–whom he saved from Smaug’s fiery wrath and who keeps the memory torch lit for their people by recounting to young Dwarfs Kili and Fili the last devastating fight their people had with Azog the Defiler as Thorin listened standing apart from them as he relived his anguish (fan made THAUJ film transcript excerpted below and picture below):
Balin: “Moria had been taken by legions of Orcs lead by the most vile of all their race: Azog, the Defiler. The giant Gundobad Orc had sworn to wipe out the line of Durin. He began by beheading the King. Thrain, Thorin’s father, was driven mad by grief. He went missing, taken prisoner or killed, we did not know. We were leaderless. Defeat and death were upon us.
That is when I saw him: a young dwarf prince facing down the Pale Orc. He stood alone against this terrible foe, his armor rent, wielding nothing by an oaken branch as a shield. Azog, the Defiler, learned that day that the line of Durin would not be so easily broken. Our forces rallied and drove the orcs back. Our enemy had been defeated. But there was no feast, nor song, that night, for our dead were beyond the count of grief. We few had survived. And I thought to myself then, there is one who I could follow. There is one I could call King.”
And though I wrote this post last weekend, I was just made aware of a stunningly brilliant brand new fan made “Thorin Tribute” video by Steph Noble published yesterday (January 29, 2013). Through music and images, she captures the essence of Thorin Oakenshield and his fight to reclaim his people’s birthright–and the special connection Thorin has with Balin through their shared past and struggles that I highlighted above. So I feature Steph Noble’s beautifully evocative video for you below:
In closing, for me, I want more Hobbit films about Thorin’s Quest and I want them now! Thorin Thursday Armitage and Hobbit chat forum discussions could almost be every day of the week for me. But until the next Hobbit film is release 10.5 months from now on December 13, 2013–The Desolation of Smaug–I/Gratiana (incarnated as Gladriana at right) am waiting expectantly in my white negligee with my 3D eye/sun glasses on–day and night. Ha!
Nota Bene: High Red Level Facetious Alert for the saucy bits that you read above. My tongue is firmly planted in my blushing cheeks. Ha! Besides, if I can’t poke fun at myself, then I will have lost my sense of humor. Snap! However, my appreciation of the film “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey–and its actors and storytellers–is sincere.
P.S. And for extra fun, I put this RichardArmitage portraying Thorin Oakenshield image courtesy of The Arkenstone’s FB page as my desktop wall paper. I just melted when Thorin regally greeted the wizard in his deep velvety baritone voice, “Gandalf.” Sighhhh! *swoon* *thud*