Thorin Thursday–Dating Durin’s Dwarves: Mirth or Mayhem?, November 21, 2013 Gratiana Lovelace (Post #474)

Nota Bene:  I haven’t had much “eye time” for writing my next “Thorin’s Dream of Love” chapter that I decided to add–and hoping to post on Monday.  But it is hard to let a Thorin Thursday go by without some mention of the “boys”.   So what follows is some rambling musings before I have to get ready for work this morning.

Thorin Thursday–Dating Durin’s Dwarves:  Mirth or Mayhem?

As you know, I am a very happily married lady of nearly 24 years.  But that doesn’t prevent me from having a bit of fun in admiring the Dwarves of Durin as potential dates.  Ha!  But while on their quest, the Dwarves of Durin don’t stay around in one place long enough to develop a relationship.  So what if the Dwarves of Durin were to stumble upon the heretofore unknown kingdom of Dwarven Fangirls?  A Fandom, if you will.

After washing (what fun!), feeding our Dwarven guests (meat is involved, Dwalin;  and Ori dear, just avoid the salads), plying them with ale, and letting them sing and dance their little hearts out, there is an after dinner activity sure to enliven their heats and ours–A Dwarves of Durin Dating Game.  Think bachelor auction with gold being the main currency.  The Dwarves are game and so we assemble in a lineup for all of us to view:


Although, King Thorin is a bit testy at first.

Thorin:  “What in the name of Durin is going on?”  He and Dwalin had slipped out to use the loo, but couldn’t figure out what the second toilet was for.  Don’t ask.  Ha!

Gratiana:  “My Lords, we are setting up dates for you tonight.”  I thought that I would insert myself into this vignette as the Mistress of Ceremonies.

Bifur: “Hmmmmm.”  You can never tell what old axe head means.

Oin:  “Eh?  What?  Dates?  It is November 21st.”  Then he cleans out his hearing horn.

Bombur:  “Yummy!”  He rubs his tummy.

Balin:  “Kkkhhh!  Not those kind of dates, lads.”

Gratiana: “Gentleman, please.”

Dwalin:   “We  are Dwarves not men!  And we are definitely not gentle!”

Gratiana:  “I turn to the Fangirl audience.  Ladies, note that for future reference.  Some of these guys, er … Dwarves are a little rough, around the edges.”  Some of the Fangirls take notes and wink at Dwalin.

Ori: “Do they have something in their eyes?”  He asks innocently of the winking Fangirls.

Fili:  “Only you!”  He rolls his eyes.

Kili:  Leaning over to whisper to his brother, he says. “I like the tall one.  No beard, but that’s alright.”

Gratiana:  “Really? He’s our butler.   I’ll be sure to let him know that, Kili.  Anyway, to the rules.”  Kili blanches while our butler smiles at him.

Dori: “Shall I prepare a contract for the Fangirls to sign?”  He pulls some parchment out of his vest.

Gratiana:  “No need.  Each Fangirl and Dwarf couple can negotiate their evening on their own.”

Bofur:  “I feel like I could sing and dance some more!”

Gloin: “Show off.” He glowers gingerly.

Gratiana:  “Dwarves, the rules!”

Nori: “Rules, schmules!”  He smiles implishly.  Or is that, Dwarvishly?

I throw up my hands in frustration–and I have to get ready for work.

Gratiana:   “Oh go and seek your own dates!”

Gandalf:  “They’ll need a map.”  He produces a map.

Thorin: “Gandalf.  Where did you get that?”  He looks very interested.

Gandalf: “It was given to me by your grandmother for safekeeping–in the hope that you would one day meet a girl and beget some Heirs of Durin.”   Then Gandalf reaches over to Gratiana’s extensively teased hair and pulls out a key and hands it to Thorin.

Gratiana:  “Hey!”  I jump back and stumble into Thorin.

Thorin:  Thorin looks Gratiana up and down.  “Did I not say that you would be trouble?”

Gratiana:  “If you like.”  I wink coyly.

Thorin: “I have never been so wrong in my entire life.”  And Thorin hugs Gratiana.

Bilbo: “What about me?”

P.S.  A critic sits off to the side, watching what just transpired.  He bares his pointy teeth.

Gollum: “Precious!”

The End

P.S.  For more about The Hobbit films visit:

About Gratiana Lovelace

Gratiana Lovelace is my nom de plume for my creative writing and blogging. I write romantic stories in different sub genres. The stories just tumble out of me. My resurgence in creative writing occurred when I viewed the BBC miniseries of Elizabeth Gaskell's novel North & South in February 2010. The exquisitely talented British actor portraying the male lead John Thornton in North & South--Richard Crispin Armitage--became my unofficial muse. I have written over 50 script stories about love--some are fan fiction, but most are original stories--that I am just beginning to share with others on private writer sites, and here on my blog. And as you know, my blog here is also relatively new--since August 2011. But, I'm having fun and I hope you enjoy reading my blog essays and my stories. Cheers! Grati ;-> upd 12/18/11
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4 Responses to Thorin Thursday–Dating Durin’s Dwarves: Mirth or Mayhem?, November 21, 2013 Gratiana Lovelace (Post #474)

  1. jazzbaby1 says:

    OMG, I am *dying* laughing here! Just how many other fangirls are winking at Dwalin, though? ‘Cause, you know, I like to know who the competition is. :)


    • Giggles, Jazzy!
      Thanks for you lovely note! Glad you enjoyed my little bit of whimsy.
      And I agree, Graham McTavish (who portrays Dwalin) is my runner up hot Dwarf–second only to the smouldering fierceness of Richard Armitage (who portrays Thorin). Ha!
      Cheers! Grati;->

      P.S. And I want to add a disclaimer–that the “Gratiana” in my vignette above is single. Ha!


  2. P.S. And as an insight into my post title, the “mirth and mayhem twins” are how I generally refer to Fill/Mirth (portrayed by Dean O’Gorman) and Kili/Mayhem (portrayed by Aidan Turner)–because early portrait shots of those two characters had Fili all smiles and Kili looking very angry. Ha!


  3. Pingback: Richard Armitage Legenda 106: Stuff worth reading | Me + Richard Armitage

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