Nota Bene: I haven’t had much “eye time” for writing my next “Thorin’s Dream of Love” chapter that I decided to add–and hoping to post on Monday. But it is hard to let a Thorin Thursday go by without some mention of the “boys”. So what follows is some rambling musings before I have to get ready for work this morning.
Thorin Thursday–Dating Durin’s Dwarves: Mirth or Mayhem?
As you know, I am a very happily married lady of nearly 24 years. But that doesn’t prevent me from having a bit of fun in admiring the Dwarves of Durin as potential dates. Ha! But while on their quest, the Dwarves of Durin don’t stay around in one place long enough to develop a relationship. So what if the Dwarves of Durin were to stumble upon the heretofore unknown kingdom of Dwarven Fangirls? A Fandom, if you will.
After washing (what fun!), feeding our Dwarven guests (meat is involved, Dwalin; and Ori dear, just avoid the salads), plying them with ale, and letting them sing and dance their little hearts out, there is an after dinner activity sure to enliven their heats and ours–A Dwarves of Durin Dating Game. Think bachelor auction with gold being the main currency. The Dwarves are game and so we assemble in a lineup for all of us to view:
Although, King Thorin is a bit testy at first.
Thorin: “What in the name of Durin is going on?” He and Dwalin had slipped out to use the loo, but couldn’t figure out what the second toilet was for. Don’t ask. Ha!
Gratiana: “My Lords, we are setting up dates for you tonight.” I thought that I would insert myself into this vignette as the Mistress of Ceremonies.
Bifur: “Hmmmmm.” You can never tell what old axe head means.
Oin: “Eh? What? Dates? It is November 21st.” Then he cleans out his hearing horn.
Bombur: “Yummy!” He rubs his tummy.
Balin: “Kkkhhh! Not those kind of dates, lads.”
Gratiana: “Gentleman, please.”
Dwalin: “We are Dwarves not men! And we are definitely not gentle!”
Gratiana: “I turn to the Fangirl audience. Ladies, note that for future reference. Some of these guys, er … Dwarves are a little rough, around the edges.” Some of the Fangirls take notes and wink at Dwalin.
Ori: “Do they have something in their eyes?” He asks innocently of the winking Fangirls.
Fili: “Only you!” He rolls his eyes.
Kili: Leaning over to whisper to his brother, he says. “I like the tall one. No beard, but that’s alright.”
Gratiana: “Really? He’s our butler. I’ll be sure to let him know that, Kili. Anyway, to the rules.” Kili blanches while our butler smiles at him.
Dori: “Shall I prepare a contract for the Fangirls to sign?” He pulls some parchment out of his vest.
Gratiana: “No need. Each Fangirl and Dwarf couple can negotiate their evening on their own.”
Bofur: “I feel like I could sing and dance some more!”
Gloin: “Show off.” He glowers gingerly.
Gratiana: “Dwarves, the rules!”
Nori: “Rules, schmules!” He smiles implishly. Or is that, Dwarvishly?
I throw up my hands in frustration–and I have to get ready for work.
Gratiana: “Oh go and seek your own dates!”
Gandalf: “They’ll need a map.” He produces a map.
Thorin: “Gandalf. Where did you get that?” He looks very interested.
Gandalf: “It was given to me by your grandmother for safekeeping–in the hope that you would one day meet a girl and beget some Heirs of Durin.” Then Gandalf reaches over to Gratiana’s extensively teased hair and pulls out a key and hands it to Thorin.
Gratiana: “Hey!” I jump back and stumble into Thorin.
Thorin: Thorin looks Gratiana up and down. “Did I not say that you would be trouble?”
Gratiana: “If you like.” I wink coyly.
Thorin: “I have never been so wrong in my entire life.” And Thorin hugs Gratiana.
Bilbo: “What about me?”
P.S. A critic sits off to the side, watching what just transpired. He bares his pointy teeth.
P.S. For more about The Hobbit films visit: www.TheHobbit.com